This is a piece taken from Living in the Storm. I hope that you will enjoy it and find great value in being a happy waiter.
The Happy Waiter
I will not claim that a waiter has the happiest job in the world, but I have sure seen some happy waiters. If you consider the work they perform, it should be easy to imagine their joy. You may not see it quite yet, but it seems so obvious to me. The overall function of their job is to give people what they want. This can be said for many professions, but a few things stand out about waiters. They often come into our lives when we are having good times with friends, celebrating, or just meeting to share a meal together. They are there to help us feel good, and extinguish our hunger. They are really a lot more important to us than it may seem at first glimpse.
The happy waiter, the one who really loves what they do, shares their positivity and gives us something to smile about. Perhaps the cynic would say that they are just working hard for a bigger tip, but that is the cynic. Cynicism has no value here.
Can you remember a really happy waiter? I can, and I see them as a great reminder of pride and joy that comes from serving others. In fact, one that comes to mind has not served me in over thirty years. He was a waiter who used to make funny faces at me and my brothers while standing behind our parents. When our parents would look around to see what we were laughing at, he would just shrug and act as if he had no idea what was going on. Maybe you think that I should have little reason to recall this man, but I do, and his name is Mahmoud Nasrazadani. As kids, we thought his name was cool. We never knew somebody with such a unique name, so it stood out, and I still remember his silly antics.
I am not saying that you may remember a waiter from your childhood, but I will say that the cumulative effect of people who treat you nicely and make you smile have much to do with the person you are. Maybe I am one of the few who remember Mahmoud in this way, but how compelling is it to imagine being one of those people that others will remember so many years later?
Of course, this will not be the same for all waiters, and it has much to do with how they see their work. The waiter who will give the best service is the one who truly enjoys creating joy, and you can spot them quickly. They are the kind of people you come back and request when you visit their restaurant. I think we should all try to learn from these people and try to be a happy waiter in our own lives.
The same trait of receiving joy from giving joy is available regardless of your profession or whether you have any job at all. A good lesson I consider is from my 92 year old grandmother who takes time each week to volunteer at “the old folks home”. I laugh when I hear her call it that, because many of the residents are much younger than her. She volunteers her time to serve them food and best of all, to make them smile. She is a happy waiter.
The very powerful feelings that come from helping others can be noted as some of the best success stories in your life. Just think for a moment about times that you have done something nice for others, and how it made you feel. There is no doubt that when you do this enough that it can form a truly valuable habit. Other people watch and learn from your actions, and will often follow your lead.
Becoming “The Happy Waiter” can start as simple acts of kindness and consideration of others. If you do it each day, in some way, you should never wonder if somebody received a benefit. The person receiving the greatest benefit is often you.
I certainly should mention the downside to being happy by creating happiness for others. There is always the cynical person who will call happy people “fake”. Before you decide to be happier by serving joy to others, I must first pose this very important question:
Would you rather receive suspicion of falseness for being happy and spreading joy, or as genuine for being grumpy and cynical?
I would rather be seen as fake for being optimistic than genuine for being a cynic. I know which of these is happier. If you are one of those cynics, you had better stick around and keep reading. You may be really surprised to find how much joy you are missing.
Living in the Storm is Available for Order!
Living in the Storm is available for order at Amazon.com, Create Space (an Amazon.com company) and also direct from the author using PayPal. The advantage of ordering direct is that shipping is included in the $9.95 price! Living in the Storm will also be available through other retailers soon.



I love the story of your Grandmother as well Mark. It is quite evident that she loves helping other people and it brings her great joy in giving to others. She is such an inspiration to everyone!
It is those moments when you give of yourself, when you take the time to do something for someone else and expect nothing in return, that you do reap the greatest rewards in life.
Thank you Mark for sharing this excerpt. I look forward to Living in the Storm!
Comment by Amy — September 27, 2009 @ 3:34 am
How do you come up with these topics, Mark.
I have talked about the “happy waiter” so many times with a friend of mine, who is a vegetarian cook, and who can “smell” the attitude of the staff of a restaurant from outside.
Blessed are those, who really can realize the “happy waiter” attitude for themselves. Easy to make judgement though, if someone isn’t in that place. A happy waiter wouldn’t do that.
Question of judgement of “false and happy” or “genuine and grumpy”: here is my take on it:
Nobody wants to burden other people. (For certain reasons, not “superficial moral” alone)
So if someone is really happy giving, it is easier to receive with grace. If one thinks, another person is doing it from obligation, or for “hidden agenda” that is different.
Genuine happiness, that is innocence, and “receivers” don’t have to fear any coercion from that. That is why this is an issue, I believe.
So, if someone is saying “I don’t believe that you are really genuine in being happy to serve” what they mean is: I don’t want to be a burden, because I am afraid to loose my humanity, freedom, lots of stuff. And there is experience behind that!
I hope that makes it easier to see the “cynic” not so much as a different kind of being, but as a certain set of experiences, and people trying to take care of their needs…. So, in a “cynical” attitude, I really don’t hear “genuineness”, but the genuine part is really “behind”, what they are saying. They are saying “I am afraid, because…”
And to summarize all that, I cannot say, that I am a happy waiter 24/7. I sure want to be, because it is a happy place to be in, but knowing “all the other stuff”,
I also recognize, that “to receive with grace might be the greatest giving” as I heard Marshall Rosenberg sing.
So, any request, that I would make, i would attach a label to it, which says: “Only do, as I request, if you can do it, with the attitude of a little child, feeding a hungry duck”. (~Marshall Rosenberg)
That is the happy waiter, that I want to be, and I want to see.
Comment by Dieter (BigD55 on Twitter) — September 28, 2009 @ 4:54 pm
Thank you, Dieter. I indeed like what you have to say. Fortunately the concern of intent is only a smaller concern of being good to others. The overall importance is not lost, and we all know that we can and should do more happy serving. It is regretful when a happy waiter receives the cynic too deeply. Keep serving your joy and inspiration. You are a happy waiter!
Comment by Mark Aaron Murnahan — September 29, 2009 @ 1:45 am
The happiest people live a life of service. Focusing on others creates a feeling of joy.
My grandmother stands out as a happy waiter. She didn’t have much but gave it all away, and somehow found out how to give away more. She was a like a pure center of distribution who kept very little for herself. We always had about 15 bags of Christmas presents; I have no clue where she got them from. She never came to the house empty handed. You just couldn’t measure the woman’s heart.
She had a very tough life but you’d never know it from her attitude. She knew the secret to happiness: give, give, and give some more. Until the end she volunteered at a soup kitchen and hospital.
Comment by Ryan — November 10, 2009 @ 3:17 pm
@ Ryan It seems that we can learn a lot from our grandmothers. Maybe they were on to something really big!
Comment by Mark Aaron Murnahan — November 10, 2009 @ 5:37 pm